Ain't no matter where I come from. I don't care bout dat, an I be bettin you don't care bout dat. Ain't no orphan. Can't be when ya got a whole line o dead brothers an sisters ahind ya. None of em blood kin, but brothers an sisters anyways.
Ya, I come outta one o dem shithole ransackies out in da barrens. Ya, I grewed up round lotsa young warriors what tryin to get inta the Org guard so's dey kin stand round all day wavin axes at da general public. Ya, dey were havin fights ta see who was strong so dey could get in line for welfare guard duty at da bank. Ya, I said some stuff what pissed off some o da stronger uns and some o the shitshackle elders and so, ya, dis all started wit a fight. Just da way I likes it.
So's it's dis fightin time. I be standin in dis big circle, urks standin round hootin and hollerin like dey was stranglethorn apes on too much moonjuice, an Thoklar is standin on da udder side o dis circle.
Ya, he gots an axe. Ya, he gots a shield, ya, he gots some shitshackle piece o roofin strapped to his chest. Elder gave it to em, callin it 'mail', an told im ta wipe my blood off da damned ting what when e was finished wit me.
Somethin bout me...see, I ain't so big. Bigger din an elfie, damn bigger din a gnomie. But I ain't big like Thoklar an his packmates outta shitshackletown are big.
But I's smart. An I's fast, and I's light on me feets. Been it all my life, but dats anudder story.
So's I'm lookin at Thok, an Imma tinkin ta meself dat if I lets him land dat axe, dat da elders an Thok- but not Thoks mate (what was still lookin at me blushin an hopin Thok wouldn't see er smilin and figure out what we'd been doin for the last hour) -would all be laughin whiles dey gib me bones to da barren jackles.
An da elder came out, an he made all kinda wavey waves an pompin and circumstantiatin an announcin an den finally said dat dis was a blood debt causa how Sarlok (dat was me, afore I gots me name, cause in shitshackle ain't no one wit anykinda battlename tills dey earns it) causa how Sarlok had gone an insulted da honor o Thoklar by doin dis an doin dat an I starts laughin cause da elder never says anyting bout what I was doin dat really shoulda insulted Thok's honor...but den Thok also still tinkin dat his expected offspring was his but dat was needer here nur der... an so the elder looks at Thok an preddy much says 'Time ta kill Sarlok'.
An so here come Thok, an he's swingin dat axe in big ol circles just cuttin nuttin but air an dat piece of shithouse roof be swingin on 'is chest back an fort and back an fort an I get sleepy watchin it swing an he comin closer an closer an I hear dat axe swishin closer an closer an den he gots close 'nuff an I kicked im in da balls.
Ol Thok, he fell down. Den 'is mate starts laughin. Den dat elder, he looked preddy pissed off wit me an starts yellin bout blood debts.
So I figger dat was dat an I turn roun and start walkin way wit da mind o just leavin shitshackle an maybe gettin by wit muggin gnomesies an elfsies on da roads o Nightsingin till I hear Thok yellin an runnin at me from behind. An I hear dat swingin roofin creakin an dat axe killin da air again an den I figger I gots no choice.
So dis time I gets me knife out. Dats all I had, cause no one gave me nuttin else. So's I grabs some handful o groun an throws it in Thok's face.
So he lets go o dat axe what goes flyin off inta da crowd an clomps one o da elders on da noggin and starts grabbin 'is eyes. Den I steppeded in real close and cut one o da straps what held dat piece of roofin onto his chest, an it fells off. Den I kicked im in da balls again. So's he's got one fist on is face an one on is nads, den I stabbed im in da heart.
Den, when da elder was still screamin an yellin an veins was poppin out on is head, I slit Thok, nad ta throat, an pulled out is heart.
Got me beard inta all dat mess doin dat. I'd be leavin shitshackle preddy quick after dat, but I earned me battlename. Dey called me Bludbeard. Elder said I kin carry dat name like a mark o shame. Dunno why. Figger it was cause I gutted his offspring in front of em? Mebbe so.
But dat's me name. Bludbeard.
Pleased ta meets ya. I tells ya more anudder day.